Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA)
A Twelve Step self-help program for Co-Dependents

Welcome to the New York State CoDA Assembly!

RECOVERY Patterns of Co-Dependents Anonymous

Denial Patterns I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
I minimize, alter, or deny how I truly feel.
I perceive myself as being completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others.
I am aware of my feelings and identify them, often in the moment.
I embrace my feelings as being valid and important. I am truthful with myself.
I keep the focus on my own well-being. I know the difference between caring and caretaking.
Low Self Esteem Patterns I have difficulty making decisions.
I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough."
I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.
I trust my ability to make effective decisions.
I accept myself as I am. I emphasize progress over perfection.
I feel appropriately worthy of the recognition, praise, or gifts I receive.
I meet my own needs and wants when possible. I reach out for help when it's necessary and appropriate.
I have confidence in myself. I no longer seek others' approval of my thoughts, feelings, and behavior.
I recognize myself as being a lovable and valuable person.
Compliance Patterns I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
I accept sex when I want love.
I am rooted in my own values, even if others don't agree or become angry.
I can separate my feelings from the feelings of others.
I am committed to my safety and recovery work. I leave situations that feel unsafe or are inconsistent with my goals.
I respect my own opinions and feelings and express them appropriately.
I consider my own interests first when asked to participate in another's plans.
My sexuality is grounded in genuine intimacy and connection. I know the difference between lust and love.
Control Patterns I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.
I realize that, with rare exceptions, other adults are capable of managing their own lives. My job is to let them.
I accept and value the differing thoughts, feelings, and opinions of others.
I feel comfortable when I see others take care of themselves.
I am a compassionate and empathic listener, giving advice only if directly asked.
I carefully and honestly contemplate my motivations when preparing to give a gift.
I feel loved and accepted for myself, just the way I am.
I develop relationships with others based on equality, intimacy, and balance.

The Recovery Patterns of Codependency is reprinted from the website with permission of Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc. (CoDA, Inc). Permission to reprint this material does not mean that CoDA, Inc. has reviewed or approved the contents of this publication, or that CoDA, Inc. agrees with the views expressed herein. Co-Dependents Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships and is not affiliated with any other 12 step program.

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